Hey DJ! Can we get a bit of doof? Like Adele?
COINS PLEASE!
I was DJing at a gay club when a straight girl came up to ask for a record. When I explained I didn’t have with me she became rather agitated.
PUNTER: What kind of f***ing DJ are you then, you c**t?!
DJ: That’s precisely the point dear. I am a DJ and not a f***ing jukebox. When the day comes that you can stick coins up my arse for your song, then I’ll f***ing play it!
A while later the club manager came up to me and seemed a little confused.
MANAGER: Did you tell someone they’d have to stick a coin up your arse to get a record played???
Submitted by DJ Aunty Phyliss - UK.
SHOW ME LOVE!
I was playing a classic house set at a private party a while back. A young lad came over to make a request.
PUNTER: Can you play me “Show Me Love” by Robin S?
DJ: Um, this is ”Show Me Love” by Robin S.
PUNTER: Oh, right… thanks…
Submitted by DJ Mark M - UK.
GOOD MUSIC?
PUNTER: So what have you got? Have you got any good music?
DJ: Yes actually, I do have lots of good music. I can’t play any of it until after you & your friends have left though.
Submitted by DJ Dave Jackal.
DJ ROCKS THE CLUB… EVEN THOUGH HE’S DEAF!
I was DJing one night when a really drunk woman screeched at me, “Anything Lady Gaga!” Right after that demand, she started chatting to me as if we were life-long friends.
To avoid the conversation I replied with a few made-up hand-signs and said, “Sorry… I’m deaf.”
She then replied in a slow, loud voice with, “I’M SOOORRRY!!! CAAAN YOOOU PLAAAY LAAADY GAAAGAAA?!”
Trying not to laugh, I made some more hand-signs and nodded.
She trotted off to her friends and must have told them I was deaf because they all turned to look over at me strangely. I gave them a big smile :)
Submitted by DJ Jimmy Dee - Sydney.
SEXY BITCH!
I was playing a 70’s funk set when a punter approached with a request.
PUNTER: Ummm, sorry, but I normally don’t ask the DJ, buuut…
DJ: It’s your friend’s birthday?
PUNTER: Yes! It’s my friends birthday!
DJ: No way?!
PUNTER: Yep! Can you play ‘Sexy Bitch?’ It’s, like, our song!
DJ: Yeah, sorry I haven’t got it.
PUNTER: I have it here, can I plug my ipod in?
Submitted by DJ Man Child.
NO ICE, ICE BABY…
PUNTER: Do you have any Salt-N-Pepa?
DJ: No, that style of music isn’t what we really play here.
PUNTER: Oh okay. Well how about some Vanilla Ice then?
DJ: If I don’t have Salt-N-Pepa who are good, why would I have Vanilla Ice who is very bad???
Submitted by DJ Neil Hume - Sydney.
